Angelica Pickles Literature

Angelica Pickles, Age 30, Responds to an Interview Question About Her Time on the Reality Show, “Rugrats”
Joe Anderson

That fucking show is the only thing anyone ever asks me about. You want to know if I regret the way I treated my cousins when I was three years old? No, I don’t. Because I was three. I mean, I’m Angelica Pickles, a 30 year old female millionaire CEO in silicon valley and the most interesting thing you can think to ask me about is how much of a jerk I was as a toddler? No. I want to tell you a story instead. When I was 17, in high school, this group of guys would pick on me. It was harmless, mostly crude remarks in the halls, whatever. One day I’m at my locker and this guy Shane decides to get handsy with me. I wasn’t having it so I turned around and slapped him in the face. That really pissed him off so he starts yelling at me and then out of nowhere Tommy shows up and starts shoving him. They get in this huge fight and Tommy ends up in detention with a black eye. 

For weeks everyone kept telling me about how brave Tommy was and how thankful I should be that he stepped in to rescue me- as if I wasn’t there to witness it all.  And I knew that I was supposed to feel grateful. But I didn’t. Instead, I absolutely resented him for it. Because when Tommy decided to step in and “save” me, he had decided that I was a victim that needed saving. It never occurred to anyone that I could have handled myself. So I never thanked Tommy. At 17 years old I already wondered how many nice guys I needed to be thankful for before I got to stand up for myself.

So I’m mean sometimes. I’m aggressive. Because I have to be. Because if I show an ounce of weakness or a sign of struggle, there are a million nice guys ready to swoop in and “save” me. And of course, if you don’t shower them with compliments they whine about it like dumb babies. So, to return to your original question, do I regret the way I treated my cousins? No. I’m proud of it. Because that passion and power and hunger is what allowed me to get to where I am today- The CEO of a multi-millionaire dollar tech startup. One of just a handful of women running the show here in silicon valley. Did I have to be a little mean to get here? Yes. But maybe, because of the work that I’ve done, the next little girl won’t have to be. And that’s all I would care to say. Thank you.